Giving Yourself Permission to Have Self Esteem
Have you ever stopped to think about the power of self-esteem? It's that inner fuel that propels us forward, helping us believe in ourselves and tackle life's hardest challenges with confidence. Yet, for far too long, I denied myself the permission to have self-esteem. I held onto self-doubt like a security blanket I couldn't let go of, constantly questioning my worth and seeking validation from others.
As I embarked on my own therapeutic journey, I came to realize that self-esteem is not a luxury that most people can't afford; it is a birthright. Today, I want to share with you some transformative ideas and take you on a journey of giving yourself permission to embrace self-esteem and reclaim your sense of self-worth. So, let's dive in and explore the incredible power of self-esteem together.
Understanding Self-Esteem
What exactly is self-esteem? It's that idea that propels us forward and helps us believe in ourselves. When we have self-esteem, our thoughts, feelings, and actions are influenced positively. Take a moment to think about what's influencing your thoughts, feelings, and actions right now. What's holding you back or making you feel like you're taking two steps forward and three steps back?
Those things are not your self-esteem; they are your self-doubt. Self-doubt plays a critical role in shaping who you are today, based on how you were raised and what you were led to believe. Unfortunately, many of us were raised with the belief that self-criticism leads to motivation, but I'm here to tell you that's not true. Self-esteem means knowing and believing that you can do something without needing approval or validation from others. It's crucial for becoming the confident, well-versed person you desire to be.
Unmasking Societal Influences
It's important to recognize the societal influences that can negatively impact our self-esteem. Societal standards, media portrayals, and even comparisons with others on social media can create unrealistic expectations and leave us feeling inadequate.
Let me share a personal example:
I love having professional photos taken and feeling beautiful, loved, and appreciated. However, when I post those photos on Facebook, others might perceive my life as perfect, which couldn't be further from the truth.
Like everyone else, my life has its share of challenges, triggers, and moments of overwhelming anxiety. It's essential to challenge these negative beliefs imposed by societal standards and question our self-critical thoughts.
We need to recognize our strengths and accomplishments, reframing our negative self-perceptions with self-compassion and self-acceptance.
Embracing Self-Compassion
Self-esteem involves embracing self-compassion, which means granting yourself permission to love even the parts of you that you might dislike. To illustrate this, think about changing a baby's diaper. We love and care for the baby, even when the diaper is messy and unpleasant. We don't define the baby by the mess; we accept them as a whole. The same applies to us. We all have our flaws and make mistakes, but that doesn't make us inherently bad. Embracing self-compassion requires accepting ourselves exactly as we are today, without constantly waiting for some future version of ourselves to emerge. By loving and accepting ourselves in the present moment, we create the foundation for growth, even when we stumble or fail.
Cultivating Self-Acceptance
Granting ourselves permission to have self-esteem involves cultivating self-acceptance. We must let go of the belief that we need to change before we can love ourselves. I've realized that waiting for a better version of myself only perpetuates the cycle of self-criticism and dissatisfaction. Instead, by accepting ourselves as we are today, we allow for genuine change and growth. It enables us to love ourselves throughout our journey, including the inevitable challenges and setbacks.
When I was nearing the goal of my weight loss journey, I pulled out my old 3X shirt that said “Future Mrs. Ferguson”. For me, that shirt symbolized a version of myself I disliked and wanted to forget. However, someone wise told me to keep it as a reminder that I am worthy of love and acceptance, regardless of my size. She reminded me of the people that accepted me into their family as the person that I didn’t like. Surrounding ourselves with positive influences who cultivate supportive and unconditional love is essential.
Choose to be around people who uplift and affirm your self-worth, avoiding toxic relationships that undermine your progress.
As you take a deep breath and reflect on the transformative power of self-esteem, remember that granting yourself permission to have self-esteem is an act of self-love. Embrace and cherish yourself as you are in this very moment. You are not a bad person for wanting to love and accept yourself unconditionally. In fact, being kind and compassionate towards yourself yields greater progress than self-criticism ever will. So, let today be the day you choose to prioritize your self-esteem, knowing that you are worthy of embracing and nurturing your innate sense of self-worth. Allow yourself to thrive and embrace the incredible power of self-esteem.
